Ratipriya also wished him and left the place. Chanchal scolded himself for such comment in his mind. He thought, “My mind never change. I should ask Guruji for any better idea to get rid of these thoughts”.
Next day they went to Ista Kameswari temple. It is around twenty kilometers away from main temple of Srisailam. It is in deep forest. It is very difficult to reach there. Very less taxi drivers will come to that place. Anyhow, Chanchal and his family reached that place. The serenity of that place offered them some sort of peace. Chanchal sat near to that idol of Devi and did mantra japa for some time. Then moved towards Phaladhara & Panchadhara. He felt very happy to see the waterfalls Phaladhara & Panchadhara where Sri Adi Shankaracharya did penance. Then they had the darshan of Hatkeswar and Sri Lalitha Petham opposite to Hatkeswar. Chanchal mind filled with joy and happiness by seeing Meru in Sri Lalitha Petham. Without any second thought, he sat near the Meru and did mantra japa. First time, that to very less time, he could do mantra japa without any unnecessary thoughts in his mind. While doing japa, after some time he thought, “I could do japa without any thoughts in mind for few minutes or may be few seconds. During that time I do not know what happened either inside or outside. That state was only for few minutes or may be few seconds. Later, I came to know that
I am doing japa. Now also I am thinking of it while doing japa. I think, this type of thoughts also should not be there. I should talk to Guruji about this.”
That evening they started back to their hometown.
Next day after attending official work, Chanchal went to see Guruji. He offered prasadam brought from Srisailam. Guruji took it and then asked Chanchal….
Guruji: How are you, son? How was your trip?
Chanchal: I am fine and trip was very nice. I did there what you told me. Did mantra japa at both places Ista Kameswari and Sri Lalitha Peetham.
Guruji: Good. Any doubts?
Chanchal: Yes, Guruji. I have some doubts but do not know whether I shall ask such questions or not.
Guruji: Clearing doubt is very important. You cannot proceed properly with doubts. So, do not feel shy and ask whatever is there in your mind.
Chanchal stayed calm for few seconds and then opened his mouth.
Chanchal: Guruji, I had a strange experience in Srisailam main temple. When I had the darshan of Sri Brahmarambika my mind filled with so many thoughts. I thought of my spiritual journey. Whether it is moving in right direction or not? Like that, I immersed in me and checked myself. Finally, I came to
conclusion that I am not doing upasana properly and what I did till now is waste. I never thought of like that earlier. Suddenly it happened like that. What could be the reason?
Guruji: That is love of Amma. See son. You said that you have wasted the time. It is not correct. If it is simply waste of time, how can you realize yourself? That is the point here. You thought of some kind of spiritual greatness because of upasana. Not only you, have many people thought of some miracles after starting upasana. They think of sidhis, glow in their face, talking with God, having so many disciples around him, seva from them, fulfilling of their desires whether dharma or adharma, popularity in society, expecting respect from all people like that. Maximum so-called upasakas will be like that only.
This is nothing but maya. Unless otherwise one realize oneself, no one can progress spiritually. This is the first step of realization. This is called cleaning of mind of oneself (self/aatma-samskara). You are lucky enough because you realized your negatives in you. Since you have blessings of Maa, it happened to you. Otherwise not possible at all. Remember one thing. God never appear before you direct. He will give opportunities to you. You should utilize those opportunities. We cannot identify those
opportunities since we are in maya. This maya can be scattered by a rightly learned person. That person will be the Guru. One should have a proper guru to get rid of maya. That is why sastras says guru is the
God. Unfortunately, now a days people are depending more on internet and other electronic communications to know the subject. This method will offer half, improper and incomplete information only. Half knowledge is more danger. As a matured person, you must know it well.
Chanchal: That is right, Guruji. I realized that also. He narrated what he did to know about kaula with little shy.
Guruji: You atleast realized that there is some reason for kaula practices. Some people criticize kaula without understanding the inner concepts. Others will indulge in those practices and continue their life
without knowing the fact. That is nothing but downfall both spiritually and in society.
Chanchal: Guruji, can I know inner concepts of kaula?
Guruji: Not required but you must know some basic reasons behind those practices. Otherwise, you may fall in maya again in this regard. Guruji told some basic reasons behind practices of kaula.
Chanchal fully convinced by listening that. Then he asked….
Chanchal: Guruji, is sex a sin?
Guruji started answering him….
To be continued….
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