SRIVIDYA SPHURANA (THOUGHTS) – PART 28 - By Bhuvananandanatha

[AUM.Ravi]

There was no much rush in the temple at that time. First, they had the darshan of Lord
Mallikarjuna. While passing to Sri Bhramarambika temple they had the darshan of Pancha Shiva
Lingas. (Sadyojata, Vamadeva, Aghora, Tatpurusha and Eesana are Pancha Lingas). The beauty
of sunset and the spacious prangana (area around main temple) of the temple offering them an
un-explainable happiness and joy to their mind. They just entered the temple of Sri
Bhramarambika. Chanchal was behind Akarsha and Moha. Once, Akarsha and Moha left the line
after darshan, Chanchal got darshan of Srimata. He looked at the idol of Goddess. He felt, eyes
of idol looking at him benign. His mind became blank. He stood there looking at the idol for
some time. After a while, the priest of the temple came near to him and told him to look at the
SRICHAKRA installed in front of the Goddess. He looked at it but he could not have full view of it
because of kumkum poured on it. However, the word Srichakra was ringing in his mind.
Srichakra…Srichakra…..Srichakra…… He thought, “I heard about Srichakra from Guruji. He told
me once that a Srividyopasaka should learn worshiping of Srichakra. Yes, that is right. I heard
that only. But Guruji never taught me Srichakra worship. Why?” He sat on the floor near the
yagasala there.

His thoughts continued….

“Why Guruji not told me Srichakra worship? Am I not eligible? No… I don’t think so because if I
am not eligible why Guruji initiated me into Srividya? Also at initial stage, he told me that he
would tell me the process of Srichakra worship. He referred it as Navavarana Puja (NP). I got
initiated into Panchadasi long time. I am doing panchadasi mantra japa as directed by Guruji.
Then, why Guruji not told me navavarana puja worship? I am observing since beginning Guruji
has some kind of extra favoritism on Purna. He took bananas brought by him but refused mine.
He is telling some spiritual secrets to Purna and not to me. What is the specialty of Purna? He is
also a disciple of Guruji like me. Then why Guruji should have such differences”.
Suddenly he heard voice of Moha laughing. He came out of his thoughts and looked at that
direction. She was playing there with some other children. Akarsha was talking with co pilgrims
there. He started thinking again….

“Yes, I do remember, once he told me he will not accept anything from his students. He told me
the difference between student and disciple (Readers may refer Part 11). Yes, now I
understood. Guruji is considering me as his student but not as his disciple. Whether am I not
moving towards disciple stage? Probably he is right. What I did these days? I did mantra
chanting (japa) only. I suppose simple chanting of mantra will not give any results. Guruji told
me once that we should do mantropasana but not mantra chanting. A sadhaka should become
identical with mantra. Then he will be known as a mantropasaka. Mere chanting of mantra will
give nothing except waste of time. Guruji told me these things once. However, I never asked
him how to do mantropasana. Is it not my fault? Had I ever approached Guruji for further
knowledge on this subject? What I felt is Guruji himself will call me. Is it the right way to think
like that? Sastras says, a Guru never call anyone to tell Brahmavidya. But what I did? I expected
guruji to tell everything on his own. See how foolish I am and how my EGO (ahankara) is. In one
of his classes’ guruji told that one should give up his ego. My ego increased further after taking
mantras from guruji. Apart from that, my new relationship with Prema. What an adharma
relation it is. Why should I attract to her? What is the specialty of her? I have a gorgeous wife
and a beautiful child. What more I want? How heinously I behaved. Legal in house, illegal in
office. Poor Akarsha, she doesn't know about me. She is really a good woman. She always take
care of my child and me. She always respects me. I several times turn down her small, small
desires. Still she never expressed her dissatisfaction. I should feel lucky to have such a generous
wife. I should stop communicating Prema. By the Gods grace, we never got the opportunity to
meet personally. Otherwise, what could have happened? No…No…I should not think that even.
In this process I am addicted to watch porn videos, read porn stories etc behind the veil of
kaula. What I know about kaula? Guruji told me clearly the difference between kaula and
dakshina. He told a kaulachari would have an opportunity to have darshan of Srimata in waking
state. If these practices are sinful then why Srimata will give her darshan that to in waking
state? Why I ignored this? Instead, I attracted to those methods. What I know about those
practices? All things shown in internet are may not correct. There must be some purpose and
reason behind those practices. That’s why we should have a right guru. I have a great guru but
what I am doing except depending on internet. Oh my God! I totally misunderstood it and went
in a wrong path. Now what I understood how deep I am weak for sex is. Is sex a sin? If so, why
even great rishis got married? Therefore, it may not be. There must be some purpose for that
life. I should ask guruji without shy. One thing must be sure. Man and woman relation should
be in a dharma way. I have this much of number of negatives in me. Without checking myself, I
doubted guruji. Shit…I committed a sin. I should wash off all my sins. The first and foremost
step towards it is to fall on the lotus feet of Guruji and Srimata. Yes, I have only that option in
front of me now. None other”.

In the mean time, Akarsha came near to him and introduced a woman to him…

Akarsha: Srivaaru…She is Ratipriya from Bangalore.

Chanchal wished her saying “hi..” and cannot control himself without whispering in his mind
“wow…what a sexy figure”…

To be continued…..