SRIVIDYA SPHURANA (THOUGHTS) – PART 20 - By Bhuvananandanatha
Chanchal started his sadhana with rejuvenated energy and enthusiasm. He understood dhyana slokas well. He was able to contemplate dhyana deity well during sadhana. He was practicing the given mantras as per the correct sadhana process told by his Guruji. His currency of thoughts has come down compared to earlier. Like that two more months have passed. One day on Bahula Chaturdasi (day before no moon day), he was doing Bala tripurasundari mantra japa with deep concentration (?). In fact, he was contemplating of Bala Tripurasundari while doing mantra japa. After some time, he felt someone has come near to him. He heard sound of bangles and leg ankles also. He thought, that may be either Aakarsha or Moha. He thought “Why they have come here unnecessarily. I should tell them not to disturb me while in puja. How nicely my japa is going on. I am experiencing certain level of energy in me. I will get darshan of deity if I do sadhana like this. Guruji should have told me this process at the starting stages itself. Why he didn’t tell me initially? Why this type of tests are required for seekers. Ok, happened is happened. He blessed me atleast. I think there must be some more secret practices like this. May not also. What more practices will be there than this. For a deity upasana, dhyana and mantra are main aspects. Gruji told me the process of these two. What more will be there? By chance, if any such thing is there I must learn from Guruji. I should become master of mantra sadhana then. How to please Guruji? It seems he is more favour to Purna. What is the specialty of Purna? I always found him near and around Guruji only. Whether Guruji told him these secret practices to him also? Guruji might have told him because Purna never leave him. I should become Guruji’s favorite disciple. I should overcome Purna. Then other people will come to me for their issues. It seems Guruji is very much impressed with me and my family. I think he will definitely lift me spiritually.”
His japa was moving while his mind was thinking above. Within a tiny fraction of second something hit his mind. He himself thought again, “What are you thinking? Is it right way of thinking like that? Why are you jealousy of Purna? He is a great upasaka. He discusses great issues with Guruji which you never understand. You should not think of Guruji like that.”
No I should not think of all these things. Chanchal determined strongly. He tried to concentrate on mantra japa. He was putting his all out efforts to concentrate. He prayed “O! Maa please save me and guide me. I have no one except you”. I want nothing except your lap. No Aakarsha…no Moha…. Aakarsha…did she come here. Why did she come here? Anything special today night? Wow what a gorgeous she is. I am really lucky man to have such a beautiful wife. I must enjoy this night endlessly.
He was becoming erotic because of his thoughts. After he observed that he became erotic he felt disappointed and thought “Shit…why I should think like that. It is very sin to think like that. There is no prayaschit (sin removal) (Expiation) for my thoughts. I should be careful.”
His mind was divided into two thinking cells. Both were thinking the same topic in opposite directions. At the same time his mantra japa was also moving. Remember, mind is only one but with many branches. Since, mind is too busy, mouth has shared some of its job. That is mantra japa.
At that moment, he felt again that someone was moving away from him. He got little angry. He immediately opened his eyes and looked into the direction he felt moment by someone. For his surprise, he found no one there. He astonished. He called Aakarsha…. No reply…. He called Moha….No reply. What happened to them, he thought. Immediately, within a fraction of second he recollected that Aakarsha and Moha were sleeping. Still he was doubtful. He rushed to their bedroom. There he found…..